Day 56/180
I am almost a third through my 180 days and like any great adventure, I have been blown so far sideways and tipped upside down and righted back at some precarious angle.
My dad passed away on January 19th, peacefully and at their home, which came as a shock to all of us. I think the rest of that month I was in a state of shock-between driving to and from British Columbia twice, helping my mom and sister and the family house when I was "home", working when I was in town, parenting and doing all of the regular life things, and helping with details for the obituary and service. I thoroughly loved going through all of the photos and memories and hated all the reasons that I had to. The same with the service for dad-everything we wanted to see and all the family and friends that we needed there and hadn't seen in ages, but of course, under the worst of circumstances. That weekend-not only saying goodbye, but a weekend of the most extreme weather possible-my husband and brother trapped by road closures, relatives driving through blizzards, and all of it followed by a bitter cold that still hasn't left. (Currently minus 17 degrees in Calgary 2 weeks later).
After the shock, then the intensity of the preparations and the service, now that we're getting back to regular life, the grief is more apparent. I am learning quickly how fatiguing grief is to the body and how much of a physical toll the emotional and mental stress brings. I am treating my lungs kindly-as grief hits this area strongly-and am careful with my decision making and mental stress. My self care is still adequate-chiropractic adjustments, massage, relatively decent sleep, and regular nutritious meals. And flowers and chocolate and tea.
At the back of my mind through all this? I'm in the middle of "training" and can't just quit. So I haven't, although my workouts have been cut in half as has their intensity. I thought I'd share a few examples of what I've been doing through this change of circumstances.
When the stairs weren't available, I replaced them a few times with some hills. If I was doing 6 sets of stairs before, I replaced them with doing a hill 6 times. We have some amazing hills at my parents place-one walk down to the pasture had me in a panic as I saw cougar or bobcat prints accompanied by that eerie silence.
I've still been able to attend some of my yoga classes, but if I missed, the home session was completely adequate.
Skating, swimming, bouncing on the rebounder, doing multiple sets of stairs in my house (yes it does get pretty boring doing 30 sets of stairs in your house, but whatever), strengthening and core with therabands, body weight or holding "weights" of cans of food~improvising with any exercise is still better then none.
Which takes me to today. I've gotten back on the stairs and can do 5 sets although currently it feels like my heart or lungs or both are going to explode. I'm not sure if its the cold weather, the grief, or the temporary set back in routine. 5 is good for now!
I was expecting there would be some challenges during my training, just as I know there will be challenges along the trail. I wasn't expecting this one, but dad can provide some inspiration for all of the ladders I know I'll be eventually climbing, for the weight that I'll be carrying, and for getting up and going every day. I have memories of dad climbing onto roofs, into trees, for lifting and throwing those ridiculously heavy bales or whatever else needed moving, and for just getting up and going after the craziest or most routine. (As long as no tractors roll onto me, I'm happy). My dad would never choose to do the West Coast Trail, but if you plunked him down in the middle of it, of course he would make it out fine. That's the inspiration I will be accessing.
My dad passed away on January 19th, peacefully and at their home, which came as a shock to all of us. I think the rest of that month I was in a state of shock-between driving to and from British Columbia twice, helping my mom and sister and the family house when I was "home", working when I was in town, parenting and doing all of the regular life things, and helping with details for the obituary and service. I thoroughly loved going through all of the photos and memories and hated all the reasons that I had to. The same with the service for dad-everything we wanted to see and all the family and friends that we needed there and hadn't seen in ages, but of course, under the worst of circumstances. That weekend-not only saying goodbye, but a weekend of the most extreme weather possible-my husband and brother trapped by road closures, relatives driving through blizzards, and all of it followed by a bitter cold that still hasn't left. (Currently minus 17 degrees in Calgary 2 weeks later).
After the shock, then the intensity of the preparations and the service, now that we're getting back to regular life, the grief is more apparent. I am learning quickly how fatiguing grief is to the body and how much of a physical toll the emotional and mental stress brings. I am treating my lungs kindly-as grief hits this area strongly-and am careful with my decision making and mental stress. My self care is still adequate-chiropractic adjustments, massage, relatively decent sleep, and regular nutritious meals. And flowers and chocolate and tea.
At the back of my mind through all this? I'm in the middle of "training" and can't just quit. So I haven't, although my workouts have been cut in half as has their intensity. I thought I'd share a few examples of what I've been doing through this change of circumstances.
When the stairs weren't available, I replaced them a few times with some hills. If I was doing 6 sets of stairs before, I replaced them with doing a hill 6 times. We have some amazing hills at my parents place-one walk down to the pasture had me in a panic as I saw cougar or bobcat prints accompanied by that eerie silence.
I've still been able to attend some of my yoga classes, but if I missed, the home session was completely adequate.
Skating, swimming, bouncing on the rebounder, doing multiple sets of stairs in my house (yes it does get pretty boring doing 30 sets of stairs in your house, but whatever), strengthening and core with therabands, body weight or holding "weights" of cans of food~improvising with any exercise is still better then none.
Which takes me to today. I've gotten back on the stairs and can do 5 sets although currently it feels like my heart or lungs or both are going to explode. I'm not sure if its the cold weather, the grief, or the temporary set back in routine. 5 is good for now!
I was expecting there would be some challenges during my training, just as I know there will be challenges along the trail. I wasn't expecting this one, but dad can provide some inspiration for all of the ladders I know I'll be eventually climbing, for the weight that I'll be carrying, and for getting up and going every day. I have memories of dad climbing onto roofs, into trees, for lifting and throwing those ridiculously heavy bales or whatever else needed moving, and for just getting up and going after the craziest or most routine. (As long as no tractors roll onto me, I'm happy). My dad would never choose to do the West Coast Trail, but if you plunked him down in the middle of it, of course he would make it out fine. That's the inspiration I will be accessing.
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